“Should”

In a session today we had a very intriguing conversation around the word “should” that I would like to share: It’s a fascinating word that is nothing more than a signifier of guilt, shame, and judgment. Think about it with me. When we say we “should” [fill in the blank] we are often saying that what we did was not socially accepted/responsible, appropriate, or bad. In terms of things others “should” do it is often (if not always) a judgment. It is an expression of a lost expectation. It is us saying that what was or will be is not good enough or not right. Should is us avoiding ownership of what is. 

What I would like to do is ask that any of you who want to work on this with me (as I am at least an occasional user of this word) follow some of these suggestions and report back how we’re doing with it in month or two. Who’s with me? Here is what we talked about today, and I hope you will help me add more to the list: 

Instead of using “should” I will try to rephrase it with I: 

  • want
  • would like
  • wish
  • hope
  • enjoy
  • feel
  • need
  • let
  • allow
  • feel good about
  • grant
  • adore
  • admire
  • own
  • award
  • give

That’s all for today folks. I’m off to get ready for my next session. Happy New Year! I hope to write more soon! 

Peace, Love, and Cuddles,

Samantha Hess

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